Monday, October 18, 2010
Sameer Phal to himself “whoa! Gul Panag replies to me,la! la! la!
I need to retweet this…wait wait wait..no no no…what have I done. I have deleted this. Bloody I am never gonna use twitter on my phone ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Sameer Phal to himself ”bloody stupid git, it’s not the problem with the phone it’s u”. I narrate this whole saga to honorable friend of mine Mr. Vikas Krishnia who suggests we should do something about it. I call him insane… Thus I thought the topic ends
Vikas ” lets go and check out Gul, what say?”, Sameer “are u you mad, oh! you think she is waiting with a garland in her hand just for us?”. Vikas “abey! Eternal pessimist. There is a good 99% chance that she won’t meet us, but there is still a 1% chance of us getting to meet her”. Sameer “ya, anyways we are not doing anything now, and I haven’t been to that part in a long time, so let’s go”
So the conquest starts…..
1st stop The Leela. We are about to enter and the security
guard asks us why we are here. We say we have come to attend a wedding; they tell us there is no wedding there & suggest that we should check out Alila. We say ”damn!” we were just there. We decide to head back. But just as an after thought…
2nd stop- We go and enquire at Holiday Inn. Enter reception area. We are told over there that although there is no wedding there, but ya, Donna Sylvia is hosting a celebrity wedding.
Final stop- we are about to enter Donna Sylvia and the security guard asks why we are here. Pat comes the reply from Sameer “we are photojournalists who have come here to cover the event”.
Thus we gain the entry. We spot the afore mentioned Gul Panag’s Qualis, and we are overjoyed.
We decide to go and have a drink at the garden restaurant. And lo…sitting next to us a celebrity group consisting of Shiv Kapur [of the F.I.R & IPL fame], Vir Das [badmaash co.amongst many] & Imran Khan [aamir khan nephew & heartthrob of I Hate Luv Storys] with his fiancée. Now I am nervous and excited. While Vikas was insisting that I play cool.
Playing cool/also read as act like celebrities. I don’t really have a hang of it. Hence the worst act in the history of obvious ignoring takes place. Imran got up and just gave a friendly smile to us, which of course we dismissed summarily. Upon experiencing this strange phenomenon, Imran gave a warmer smile, this time we went to the extent of turning our faces away from him. From the quizzical look which followed on his face after that, I can hardly hazard a guess to what his thoughts were at that time.
Now waiting for the star of the evening, pretty long wait I say. Just then step in the real photographers, with fancy shooting equipment and all. And I am like f**** “vikas lets go home, before we are caught”. Vikas dismisses my suggestion categorically and strikes up a conversation with the photograper[the actual one]. He now finds out that diva Deepika Padukone is present there too.
Now both-anticipation as well as nervousness are at its summit. Enter Deepika with Siddharth Mallya in the tow. Followed by Gul Panag, Kunal Kohli etc.
Sameer “I want to pose with Deepika….” .
Vikas “shhh!!!!!!! We are photographers we are not supposed to pose” ok.
Finally as photographers we manage the charade of serious event photography. Hell we even manage to get Mallya and Kohli to pose. After some time…
Sameer “Vikas I think we should get going”,
Vikas “yaar! its such a boring party & they are not even dancing”.
Vikas “you think I should ask Gul for a dance”,
Sameer “all these people are sitting formally and you want a dance???”
Vikas “why not?”
Sameer “but that guy sitting with her looks like her BF, more importantly there is no dance music and nobody is dancing”
Just then... enter a hotel staff. “Sir, may I know which publication are you representing?”. Vikas tongue tied, I swoop in “we are from the Goan Observer”, the guy gives a very skeptical look.
Sameer “that’s a real paper; here type it on my phone in google, if you don’t believe me”.
Manager “that’s ok, sir. Let me just check and get back to you”.
Sameer “let’s run from here, as fast as we can”. Vikas looks pretty unperturbed though. Just then there is an announcement. That the bride will be here and everybody stands up from their places.
Vikas “anyways Gul seems to be pretty occupied, I guess we should allow her a breather”.
I say “ya! Precisely with -guffaw ”.
Vikas “wait the bride is here, we need to click her pics otherwise it will too damn obvious btw who is the bride?”.
Sameer “f*** we don’t know that”,
Vikas “how do we find out? Should I ask the waiter?”
Sameer “no that would be way too suspicious” …think…… “Ok! Let me check on twitter to see if there is any update”
Gulpanag tweets And @Sethshruti is now married to
Awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Gul.
Vikas” abbey! What’s the name of this bride?”
Sameer “dude she is Shruti Seth”.
We go up to her and suddenly from nowhere, after clicking some pics. Vikas leans forward and plants a kiss on Shruti’s cheek . Following that... he literally shoves a stunned me in her face. Left with no choice I follow his lead. In my defence, it happens in such a lightening instant that I hardly have any time to react.
The reaction on Shruti’s face following that can only be described as perplexed. And the one on mine was of bewilderment. After that everybody take cue from us and start greeting her [I didn’t dare to look at her husband Danish’s face at that moment].
Point to note: the wedding crashers are the 1st ones in greeting the bride at a party to which they were not invited at all.
After coolly walking out of that decorated pandal.
Vikas remarks “Betalal! act cool, be confident”
By now the whole chain of events has reduced me to a practical specimen for study in body language, of the expression which can only be described as phobic nervousness. But somehow having experienced it earlier [that’s a topic which has to be left for some other time]. I do manage to compose myself. Just then out of corner of my eye, I spot the hotel fellow followed by a guy who looks distinctly like his manager.
Sameer “vikas, that guy is coming back lets just get outta here before we are caught”.
Reluctantly and after some pleading Mr. Vikas heeds my request.
End of the story: We got out of there safely, that’s the
singular only reason I can recount our adventure.
Anyways before I say goodbye, I have to thank Gul Panag who inadvertently led us to this adventure
I think I am a great singer [although a vast majority will differ with my view]. So here it is.“khilte hai gul yahaan, khil ke bikharne ko”
Thursday, October 7, 2010
You are in an important work meeting and your phone starts buzzing like crazy. And lo! before you can blink your eyelids you have received 37 missed calls. You try to ignore it and focus back on work, by this time even your work people are disturbed by the continual vibrations. So after an elaborate facial expression of apology smileys & extreme irritation, you call your chhavvi's num. Just to confirm that no catastrophe has taken place. In time to be greeted with a volley of abuses and a promise “I dont want to see your face again till I die”.
At this point you are totally bewildered and the only thing you want to do is quickly wrap up the meeting and talk to your darling. And now you are left WONDERING........
Then there is a marathon one way calling session wherein your fingers go numb with repeated dialing of her number. After some time you lose that solace too, thanks in no small measure to the fact that she has switched of her cell. You try reaching on her landline, well it has to be her mom [she has never quite approved of you] who picks up the phone and adds a bit of choicest words from her side. The mildest one ranging from “I had always warned my daughter to not to go out with guys like, but what to do it is all our fault” to an outright threat to put you in jail or break your bones.
WONDERING^2 some more.
You try to meet your girl, lure her with expensive gifts. Try to talk to her friends whose reaction ranges from a disgusting look to outright abuse. Finally some kind soul takes pity on you and finally the meeting is scheduled. And again you are trying to understand what lead to all this.
Meanwhile your WONDER has risen to WONDER^3 now.
Finally the great meeting happens. There is a lot of heartburn, accusations, tears and a final bad bye with a curse that you shall never be happy in your life ever again. WONDER ends- culprit ……bloody email.
After that you vow that I will never share any of my passwords with any body. In fact you do an extensive research with reference material like DUMMIES GUIDE TO MAKING PASSWORDS STRONGER. It says ur password must contain an uppercase letter, a number, a haiku, a gang sign, a hieroglyph & a horn of an unborn unicorn
Kudos! Alas… you succeed in making a password which is even difficult for you to decipher.
Great END…..but that’s not the story I really wanted to tell.
We are extremely sensitive, secretive, in fact paranoid about our virtual identity e.g above serves to illustrate why?