Thursday, November 26, 2009

The Eternal Best Man- Part 3

Well before I continue where I left off. I guess I must make mention of something really interesting. Well I know this is a constant criticism about my writing, that in my case paraphernalia takes precedence over core substance. But still guys, I am writing a blog for myself right? So I am allowed a bit of leeway.

Cool! here it goes then. At the conclusion of my last blog I got a mail from a friend of mine. Well let’s call her London Jamaica Bristol. And these are the following questions she posed to me.

Who is this girl with the chemistry book?..and where is she now? Or perhaps you are going to elaborate in part 3. I do hope you are not about to tell me that she is now married to someone else?

The answer to these questions are as follows.

Name- hmmm I will call her Hubli (kimberley) Mysore

Where- I think Bangalore

Status- affirmative , she is married

Wow Dearie you nailed them all. I had heard about your intuition but have experienced it first hand now.

To continue from my last blog. History (it’s my fav subject besides geography) is defined more by people’s inaction rather than action. Case in point- Hitler and Osama. They would never have been what they are if the super powers of that time, nipped their actions in the bud.

Well my first tryst with romantic engagement was a colossal disaster as in that entire year that I was studying with her (actually she was my senior). I could never open my mouth in front of her literally. On the occasions when I had good fortune of a chance meeting with her, I was just tongue tied, and left with a dewy eyed idiotic expression- something between a smile and surprise. To cut the long story short, the best thing about my crush was that it was over.

The next year of my higher secondary passed of pretty uneventfully.

College days – Here comes the Alexander – Sameer the Great.

Now came the time as I stepped into this whole wide world as the college going man. Don’t really have many things to say that have not been said about college life but ya, those were surely the best days of my life……..

Well they say life is Ying Yang. As good as it was to be in college there is also a massive challenge of being in college for anyone attempting to maintain the sanctimony of the title of the eternal best man.

FYI what makes college life so challenging is its not just about learning and all. College is actually a “Dating Olympics” and unlike a normal Olympics which comes once in 4 years and lasts for a month. This ordeal lasts throughout your college life. What’s worse is you have to participate in each and every event till the time you finally lay your hands on the trophy (I know @ Olympics you win medals, I still go with trophy).

Coming back to my situation in my case the first year was fairly smooth sailing not without hiccoughs. But in all it was ok. Second year was when I faced my true test.

As I was saying this “Dating Olympics” well its tougher than even the Olympics where sadly India struggles to scrape with a medal. Just to illustrate my point I present to you some example of superlative feats my friends had to perform to win their trophies

Sample 1-V.K.- The person had to actually become a full time chaperon , well @ times he was also called treated like one of the specimens of the canine species, the most common of them.

Sample 2nd -J.D.-Had to master the skills of shoe mending as an expert cobbler (disclaimer: the thoughts echoed here are in no way meant to be derogatory reference towards any particular community, I have highest regards for dignity of labour)

Sample 3rd -A.F.-Had to master the skill of dangling from a tree. Well its almost like rolling back the years of our evolution from primates.

Sample 4th- He chose the easiest route by juxtaposing the theory of friendship. To make myself very clear this guy took the exploitation of the most abused word in romantic lingo "friend" to whole different stratosphere....mmmmm control.. i mean level.

Sample 5th-M.S.K- This takes the cookie or the cake … whatever. He had to actually be saddled with life long shoulder dislocation, courtesy a slap and subsequent fall from the ramparts of the college building. But he has survived to tell the tale that’s what matters, what’s more he has even made the trophy permanent.

P.S Sample no 1's trophy(ringmaster) was also responsible for alteration of my conventional understanding of the word cousin.

All said and done. The oft said proverb “everything is fair in love and war” actually holds true. In my case I had to get a trophy or something to pose with very badly.

Desperate times – Desperate measures, I chose the route of doing my graduation all over again. Upon the suggestion of our then office boy, I chose somebody who would be easy to handle yet allow me to take a break from all events @ the “Dating Olympic.” There’s a price to pay children,to be true to yourself in this world.

Not that it was totally boring it had its moments with assignments.. then there were more assignments, for a good measure there were also projects thrown in. MMMM… not to mention case discussions. Well after a host of all these magical moments, great comments, good grades and lots of revision. The day of reckoning arrived in the form of year end project…well that was that. It passed on without much thoroughfare … that was the best thing about it. I guess.

Here is where I round up the initial journey of this best man. I dunno whether I will ever be able to delve in to the remaining part of this incredible journey.

P.S. so guys if any of you’ll are getting married and need a best man you can avail of that facility by contacting me. My contact details are as follows.

Sameer Phal

H. No. 641/c, Kripadham,

New Vaddem, Vasco, Goa.

+91 9823185281


1) Thou shall not consume any alcoholic beverage in any form.

2) Pick up and drop facilities should be arranged

3) No worries (I swear on my unblemished record of heterosexuality) on bridesmaid harassment front. N.B. unless the girl happens to meet my criterion. (details of the same can be provided on due request).


Monday, November 9, 2009

The Eternal Best man- Part 2

The shrill din of criticism for my verbose style is still ringing in
my ears. I don’t want to present any riposte to it as I have been
reminded (and not so gently if I may say so) that the whole point of
writing a blog is to reach out to people, rather than make an
exhibition of my vocabulary. In lieu of these recent developments, I
have taken a stance of tempering my habit of flamboyance with words.
Yet my sincere hope is that even after this, my steak doesn't loose
all its sizzle.
Anybody who knows me, knows that I am a names guy and love naming
names. Well most of you'll also know that geography happens to be my
favourite subject. Hmmm I have decided to put both my penchants
If you guys are wondering why The hell am I doing this. Then let me
tell you guys, its because the tough censorship laws which are binding
my potential shrapnels of thoughts.
Disclaimer-Responsibility of any associations or inferences drawn from
the names of places given to my characters lies solely with the person
imagining the same. I will neither confirm nor refute any claims with
regards to the same.
They say charity begins @ home. So here it is.
Yours truly will be hereinafter be known as Somalia.

My two subjects will be namely Mr. Jamnagar Durham & Mr. Vegas Kota.

Girl buddy -Gujarat.

The lonely P will be hereby known as Poland
And my quarry- Lakshadweep Kolar.

Have I been wandering like one of those lonely tortoises of that
oh! so popular game on FB. What is it called farmville isn't it? hmm.
Come back... lest I melt the effect of my freeze frame.

Hmm where was i, I was in that dimly lit room of incandescent light
alone with L. K. Classic "hum tum ek kamre mein bund ho"
situation. As I was saying I found myself alone with L. K
so what would you expect any mature guy in my situation would do.
I went up to her and looked in her eyes said "no need to say anything
I know what you want to say" and then the done to death sequence.
Ethnically Innovative in its presentation though. A Rose bud bending
over another rose bud,a shoe slipping over another,twittering
fluttering teeny tiny birds pecking each other. As the light dimmed
further I emerged out of shadows with scarlet lips :).

This is what should have a happened right?

But it didn't.

What did happen though was this.

Well as I was saying in that room lonely except for the two of us she said “ Hi Somalia I wanted to talk to you” . Hearing this, my hormones went into an overdrive. Sadly for me it was the adrenaline the fright-flight- fight reflex inducer. The alarm bells inside my not just started to ring they started to explode. And then I ran for my life, guys I am no Usain Bolt but that day on that semi lit narrow staircase I could have taken any body on.

P.S. My lips were scarlet, only I cant remember whether it was the bloody door or the freaking railing which got me.

Well! As they say life is one damned thing after another. The next chapter that I am going to narrate was perhaps happened at the time when I guess I was having first brush with the slippery slope of romance.

Well as I finished school and I entered junior college there was this romantic buzz all around. What with all these rose, chocolate and St. Valentine festivities running rings around you. It was mighty impossible not to get caught in that whirlwind.

One fateful day it happened, like the Italians call it I was hit by a thunderbolt, and fell for it hook–line-sinker. I was carrying a stack of biology journals out of the library and she was with her comprehensive chemistry 1996 revised edition, and I that’s when I saw her. It was like something from an old English movie, where the sailor sees the girl across the crowded dance floor, and he turns to his buddy and says, “See that girl? I’ m gonna marry her someday.”

And then at that moment, something happened that changed my life forever, to this I attribute the reason why I was never the same person again……….